No Sweetness Here

For years I've been
Your pretty china doll.
Pink lips, permanently set
Into a half-smile.
Glass eyes that always acquiesce,
I didn't let them see.
I couldn't let them guess.

I'm dreaming, dreaming.
And in my dream the
Mirror cracks, and I no longer
See myself in your mistakes.
It catapults a million fragments
To the floor and little Lily
Is there. She's playing
With the shards,
Hands bleeding.
Pulling them to her mouth
Like her teething rattle
And blood drips down her baby grow.
And you laugh, you laugh.

I watch your chest rise and fall
Can smell the whiskey on your breath.
I take a plump, paisley pillow,
I press it hard over your mouth.
The porcelain mask starts to
Slip, it slips. It falls to the ground
And splits, it splits.
You don't struggle and your chest
Doesn't rise anymore.

Now I rise.
I walk over to Lily's cot, I
Check her hands and they're
Fine, they're fine.
I kiss her mouth and my
Tears drip down her baby grow.